Dear Eunice,

Posted on Facebook, February 14, 2011 12:25AM.

 
This is probably the only public letter I will ever write. But I think I owe it to you. Thank you for always being game whenever I text even though I know you have work and plans to do. Thank you for always being there to listen even to the worst conversations at sa lahat ng bagay na “paulit-ulit, paulit-ulit?” Thank you for bearing with me. Through the last minute flight booking, to drinking even when your stomach hurts, to random sleep overs, to last minute dates. I can’t thank you enough. Without you I would probably go cray cray. And thanks to you, I’m doing great. Thanks to you everything had a touch of sunshine every time I talk to you. You make things lighter for me and I know that everything will turn out great as long as I have you by my side.

I can say that what we have is beyond friendship. I don’t think there are even words for that. Probably not even sisters. We are so different yet we have grown to set aside those differences. You know how I think and feel and I don’t need to say more. You always got my back and so do I. I don’t want to lengthen this letter cause you know naman how I feel. And ang emo na masyado.

So on this day of love, I just really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you so much!

This one’s for you.

♥,
Labs

Girl Talk.

Girl 1:

“…I was thinking.

It takes a lot of courage and someone who is brave enough to take a chance on long distance relationships. But it also takes a lot of courage and bravery to admit when good things are just about to come to an end, let go, move on and just be thankful for what had been. And I couldnt figure out which one takes more courage…”

 

Girl 2:

“…you actually made sense when you said that it takes a lot of courage in taking a long distance relationship and also a lot of courage in accepting that things must come to an end. both entails different type of courage. its not which one entails more courage… its is just normal to be affected with what goes on with xxxxx. same as with me. I still get affected with what goes on with xxxxx. but it does not mean that we are not strong enough to face the truth. they just made a very special mark in our lives that makes us look back.

Pwde naman lumingon eh. basta hindi ka aandar ng paurong.

as long as we are making one step forward we are all good. slowly but surely…”

ONE FREAKING DAY.

On most days, I’m doing ok.

On some days, I’m doing great

But sometimes, there’s just this one day… ONE FREAKING DAY…

when you hope emotions had an On and Off Switch.

And some posts you wish you didn’t read.

Case in point, this useless “blog” post, if you can call it such.

Let it be.

I may be working my ass off to get what I want. It never occurred to me that I am “spoiled”.  I just thought I deserve what I work for. The funny thing is I remember hearing someone say that I’m Johara. And that if I want something and put my mind to it, it happens. At that time I took it as a compliment. Still, there’s always that other side of the coin. If anything goes astray from what I want I panic. Even worse I burst into tantrums. Not the “NO YAYA, I WANT THAT!” kind of way but in a subtle but long explanation why I should be followed.

Maybe it’s the way I was brought up, and maybe that’s just how I am. I like being right. I like knowing things first. I like being the most knowledgable of them all. And now I am starting to realize its not all about being the first, being always right and getting what I want.

First of all, it’s impossible for me to know everything. I am no google and I am no God. So why bother. Nonetheless, it does not stop me from gaining more knowledge. Being know-it-all is different from being knowledgeable. As a famous philosopher would say knowing you know nothing makes you wise (well, how I interpreted it).

Second, its impossible to always be right. how can one learn without making mistakes. But then again committing the same mistake over and over again is death. You are definitely not learning but a mere being not seeking a betterment of the self.

Lastly, I cannot always get what I want. Life gives us what we need even pain. And we have to accept that no matter how hard it maybe. “HINDI KA PWEDE LANGING MASUNOD.” In trying to get what you want other people may get hurt as well. And it is just right to give them what they want and what they need even if it was the most painful thing to do. Sometimes, He gives you the things you least like to make you realize who you are and what you’ve done. For us maybe its too late but then again maybe it’s part of His plan. But we all need a step back to understand life. The world does not revolve around you. So you must understand why things work out the way they do. One way or another there will be a reason why it happened.

And what I am going through right now is actually a humbling experience for me. I just need to let it go. Not to force events into turning out how I want them to be. This probably is the most painful learning experience. Looking at it again, maybe this happened because this was the only way for me to learn. Its hard to accept but maybe I do “deserve this pain.”

And now the best thing to do? Let it be.

2012.

I know. I know. New Year’s Resolution? Nope.

Parang isang araw lang yan na lumipas. Tingnan mo tapos na. Kung iisipin mo yung kapag sinabi mo na “last year” eh is almost equal to “nung isang araw.”

Therefore, it does not magically transform your life.

ALTHOUGH…

It can be another chapter of your life. Parang araw lang naman talaga eh. Lumipas, naggabi at bukang liwayway. Kung iisipin mo ang bukang liwayway ay nagsasagisag ng isang bagong pag-asa, bagong pananaw at maari ring bagong buhay.

Kaya bakit nga hindi natin to gawing bago.

BAGONG IKAW. BAGONG AKO.

Pero sabi nga nila walang magbabago kung wala kang nakalipas.

At kung minsan kahit hindi mo nais ang mga pagbabago sa buhay. Kailngan mo parin gawin to. Mahirap. Pero kakayanin.

Kaya ang 2012 ay isang paglalakbay sa bagong ako.

Gusto mong samahan ako?

Excuse my French.

Je ne sais vraiment pas pourquoi je suis encore écrire ces lignes, puis de traduire vers le français. Peut-être que je ne veux pas les gens juste pour le lire d’emblée.Dans le même temps je veux que cette personne une spécifique pour le lire, et peut-être. Juste peut-être, cette personne sera assez disposés à traduire ce pouvoir le lire.

J’ai été très bien. Je fais normale. Je suis occupé avec le travail et je n’ai pas vraiment eu le temps de se reposer parce que je n’ai vraiment pas un jour de repos. Pour ces derniers jours, je n’ai pas porté la bague qu’il m’a donné. Il se sent vraiment bizarre même pas le voir sur mon doigt. Comme il est Décembre, l’entreprise où je travaille nous oblige à aller au magasin et d’aider les clients.Debout de 1:00-21:00 C’est vraiment fatigant. Je me souviens l’année dernière quand tout j’ai hâte de le voyais après mon quart de travail et d’un dîner, ou en regardant un mouvement puisque nous étions déjà dans un centre commercial.Maintenant, je mange seule le soir et conduire seul à la maison. Hier, j’ai vraiment lui manquer. Quand je fais une grande vente, je serais vraiment s’énerver et lui dire tout de suite. Lui raconter l’histoire sur la façon dont j’ai aidé ce client et comment j’ai réussi à la convaincre de l’aide et à acheter. Hier, je n’avais personne à qui le partager. Dès que je rentre chez lui, reposé un peu, puis s’endormit. Ce fut un moment triste. Je n’étais pas déprimé ou quoi que ce soit. Vous savez ce sentiment quand vous êtes tous … “Hayy.” Hier j’ai eu aussi une mauvaise rencontre avec une personne et je souhaite juste que je ne pouvais l’air tous mes griefs à lui.

J’ai vraiment, vraiment me manquer.

Je ne voulais pas ouvrir mon facebook ou quoi que ce poste, mais depuis que j’ai vraiment envie d’être impliqué dans un coup de main aux victimes du Sendong, j’ai juste eu à. Je ne voulais pas être dans son radar. Je veux juste être si elle.

M’égare un peu, comme je parlais à des amis ce qui s’est passé. Quelque part, je commence à penser que ce n’était vraiment pas juste moi qui avait un problème.C’était vraiment de nous deux. Néanmoins, je continue à me blâmer pour tout.

Je sais que la pire des pièces encore à venir. J’espère juste que je peux porter avec elle. Pour l’instant, je suis venu à réaliser que d’autres personnes d’expérience pire que moi. Bien plus douloureux qu’une immense chagrin. Les gens de CDO ont perdu leurs vies, des maisons, membres de la famille, même et ses presque Noël. C’est la raison pour laquelle je suis un coup de main. Parce que je suis ici rodomontades sur mon malaise quand je viens de faire quelque chose plutôt que pour les gens qui aujourd’hui n’ont plus rien. Littéral et figuré.

Cela a été un très dur Décembre. 2012 est presque là. Étape un peu plus loin de ce tourbillon 2011.

Nous allons y arriver.

Why we have hangovers in a nutshell.

So, why am I talking about hangovers. I just survived or should I say recovered from one. Side story, that was one hell of a Christmas Party. 11PM till 7AM. 8 hours of alcohol, intrigues, talks and what not.

So anyway, back to what I was saying, HANGOVERS.

A medical practitioner may say it’s because of dehydration, body’s chemical reactions, body weight, etc, etc. I believe its more than that. My two cents’ worth:

1. As my friend would say, hangovers are signs of how the night/day/trip/party was. The more EPIC the party was, the worse the hangover. Why? Our body tries to wake up, while feeling the state of inebriation. This then forces our brain to think 2-5 times harder than normal. Drinking, trying to talk, to dance and to text or tweet entails so much mental effort that just like a processor, our brain over heats then BAM! Headache. That’s why if the party wasn’t that great it means you had more time to think, do less things and you don’t over use your brain cells. Makes sense?

2. For most people, they drink to forget. That even for a few hours they would forget how exam’s are such a B, how stressful work is, or how painful a heartbreak is… That to cover up this pain they need to drink. Sometimes it’s more than covering up. It’s about having the courage to face the trials and pain they are currently going through. Connection? As far as I know feelings are still from our brains, though literally and figuratively these may be felt from our heart. It’s still the brain speaking to you. So when you drink to forget, you push back the memories to the farthest end of your brain and try to forget the pain. Alcohol does this for several hours then when you wake up. The pain that you pushed back comes back to you and hits you like Pacquiao’s punch. BAM! headache/heartache.

So kung tingin mo naisahan mo na iyong sakit na nararamdaman eh BOBO KA! Kasi ikaw ang naisahan. 

And finally,

3. I can’t think of anything else really, but just like any other chemical you take in there’s a side effect. Too much food = fat, too much smoking = cancer, too much alcohol = hangover.

Period.

So there you go, my personal theories on how hangovers work. Which one do you think applies to me?

HAY NAKO. ANG DAMI KONG ALAM!

maitanong ko lang.

Hindi ba’t malapit na ang kapasukhan? ngunit bakit puro heartbreak songs ang naglalabasan ngayon. kung hindi heartbreak, kanta na may video ng paghihiwalay.

For example:

1. Bruno Mars – It Will Rain. Kanta ng pagmamakaawang huwag iwan ng minamahal nya dahil bubuhos lamang ang ulan ng walang katapusan kung ito’y mangyari.

2. Katy Perry – The One That Got Away. Ang pagsasalaysay niya ng kanyang panghihinayang na pinakawalan niya ang kanyang tunay na minamahal. At kung bibigyan siya ng pagkakataon ay hindi niya ito hahayaan.

3. Rhianna – We Found Love. Ako lang ba o sadyang distrubing ang video nitong kantang ito. Kung mapapansin niyo sa hiwalayan din ang tapos.

Teka, konti lang ito. Isama na natin si Petra Mahalimuyak para dumami.

4. Petra Mahalimuyak – How to Survive A Break-up. Kailangan ko ba pa i-eksplika ito?

Sa madaling sabi, hindi ba dapat ay nagsasaya ang mga tao? O lingid sa kaalaman ko na madaming tao parin na kasapi at bagong sapi ng SMP.

“Samahang ng Malalamig ang Pasko.”

Hmmm?

.

How do I start all over again? How do I begin? As I write these words, I start to tremble.

I can’t believe I did what I did. And then this. I need strength, courage and will.

I’m still hoping things will turn around. But I know it won’t.

Right at this moment, music from my neighbor emerges. And then I feel everything.

To you,

Thank you.

I’m sorry.

I miss you.

I love you so much, more than anything in this world.

Here’s to blogging… AGAIN.

Just a brief history on the history of my blogging. I was always interested in writing thoughts, feelings and mundane activities of my life, so at an early age of 13 I started blogging. THAT WAS FREAKING 10 YEARS AGO. Back then there were no livejournal, blogspot, wordpress or whatever blog sourcing tool. I think? I used to develop my own website/blog using Yahoo pages. It was a too difficult to manage because its mostly HTML codes based (seehowIimpliedmyawesomeness), and let’s just face it, WALA NA AKO MALAGAY SA SITE , and I had a really bad username. NO, I WONT TELL.

After 2-3 years, I started again. My cousin’s friends, itago nalang natin sila sa pangalang, jek_log at bernarics, opened my eyes to a whole new world of blogging. TABULAS! Where I coined the word “facionizta” and had a tag line “beneath the clothes”. (REALLY NOW?!?!) It was all about making CSS, cute layouts and using Dreamweaver while simultaneously failing at it. Hindsight, re-reading what I wrote there, it was horrendous, awful, and seemingly written by an uneducated person. Kung may nagpauso siguro ng jejemon. Ako na siguro iyon. One word to describe it, YACK!

An excerpt to publicly humiliate myself:

dang.. i made my site just to fil in the tym wen i wuz sick and then now…..whoas!! webby’s starting to get a bit complicated here.. i went to people’s website and they’re lyk whoa.. amazing.. why cant i learn to do these stuff!! hehe.. coolie.. dang is my bad.. NO1′s SCHOOLIN ME!! hehe.. i’m envious! really.. but i aint got no tym!! school works got me killin.. but is all gud.. is for my peeps at school.. newei.. my bday’s near! ima turn 16! ima get my sutdent’s permit to drive!! haha.. in weeks i can drive mah car!! hahaha. in my dreams… is not my car!! hehe. but im excited! really .. so yeah.. well das it for now.. gotta bounce.. i hafta deal with things.. impt things.. MY HOMEWORK!! dang.. aryt.. bouncin!

Posted by facionizta on July 11, 2004 at 02:47 PM | thotz?->wright h

After a year or two, came Multiply. This was my longest running blog which became the diary of the drama queen. It tells a story of a girl and her tragic love story which ended as soon as the blog ended. I would probably describe it as, “Twilight-y.” Not in the vampire kind of way but of a teenage lovestruck story.

After 3 failed attempts, here I am doing it all over again. Hoping I would get things right, or not. I know not all my posts would be relevant or interesting. It would even probably be filled with too much information of myself, even the name and tag line are living proof. But what the heck, I just need an outlet to lighten my load.

Here’s to blogging, AGAIN!